My name is Ebun, and I have experienced and overcome burnout and suicidal ideation.I used to feel shame and guilt about feeling so cavalier about my existence.I used to be afraid I would never get better and become healthier and more hopeful.Now I know that such a season of life can pass.Now I know that season is part of the story of my four-decade life, it is not all of it.I started this blog so those who might be undergoing the same or in the middle of it can see that it can happen to anyone, at any time and they have an example so they know the only way is through.My mind has screamed fear about sharing this personal journey to understand, then care for, love myself through all my mental and emotional states.I don’t mind talking about it with people I know. I have spoken to friends and family who have asked about the past 5 years from 2019.But sharing it on a public platform,<ul><li> where past and current colleagues are,</li><li>where future employers and collaborators are,</li><li>where advice about how to go viral and gain followers is rife,</li><li>where everyone is happy to announce something,</li><li>where most people are shiny and self-assured,</li><li>where I would much rather be known for my passion and competence in project development to support infrastructure development and financing in Africa.</li><li>where conventional wisdom says be known for only one thing, so you can niche down and draw the right attention to yourself,</li><li>where I could be judged by strangers and exposed to their uneducated ridicule, </li></ul>That is a whole other thing.Very few people get away with showing a peek into their struggle of being Human.The people who do are the ones who have already had some publicly acknowledged success and showing their struggle of learning about and fulfilling their own potential while balancing that with learning how to be human, wholly and fully, makes them seem approachable.Often I observe, that these stories are a small introduction or precursor to some larger success, as an attempt at relatability for those who have produced great or significant outcomes.So they can show the world the truth that it took remarkable effort. &nbsp;That despite or in spite of it all, they made it.Fewer still actually give details about how they felt during the day-to-day struggle itself.Of the many little battles in their minds, they had to keep winning till the tide turned and there was hope that they could emerge victorious and keep choosing life.This is what I want this blog to be, almost like a public diary of what happened then, my journey through it all, and what is happening now.After I learned that Stephen “Twitch” Boss, took his own life on Dec 13, 2022, a cold feeling settled over me – “This could have been me.”I wrote about my own scary personal experience with high-functioning depression on a LinkedIn in post, four days after. See here the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7009783895499927552/">suicide of Stephen “twitch” boss</a> .It was my most viral post at that time, it appeared to deeply resonate with others.When I put that post together, there was an urgency and a somber sense of feeling “called” to do this, that overrode any concerns of putting my personal matter out there.I was convicted and compelled to write something because it connected with my own experience of trying to hold it together enough to keep doing what I loved, even when I was burnt out, hating my work environment and thinking thoughts of self-annihilation.The event had triggered something in me, something honest, something uncomfortable, something real.Also in Dec 2022, I reconnected with someone from university.We shared our journey about life since we last met. I told her how I found myself in a dark tunnel and how I was just coming out of it.She tells me that she had been sick with breast cancer over the previous two years and one of the things that supported her mental wellbeing and gave her hope on her journey was reading diaries of those who underwent what she had gone through, not just advice about practical things, but the mental states and seeing that it was a struggle to remain hopeful even when wanting to be.That struck a chord, and the desire to leave such a record for those struggling the same way I had deepened.That desire has competed with two barriers that have held me back from starting.1)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It is my personal and private business.2)&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I want to be publicly known for something else.I want to be known for my abilities and capacity to take an infrastructure project from idea to being financed. I have done it basically all my 17-year career. It is necessary and important work and I didn’t want my competence questioned because I have a public record of being human and needing to heal emotionally and spiritually.Yet, also over the past three years, I have had friends, family, and acquaintances reach out to discuss their struggles, and each time, that call kept nudging.Therefore, there has to be a time when self-preservation and pride step aside for a deeper, truer purpose, so, this blog is finally happening.I want to achieve three things with this blog:<ul><li>Leave a public record for those who may need that same assurance, who are not alone.</li><li>To progress to the next step in my own journey, deeper transformation through turning mess into message.</li><li>To invite others to do the same and make it okay to share these things as they happen. </li></ul> If you found this blog, because of your own struggles with self love, mental well-being, burn out, depression etc.You can heal, you can get better, you can discover joy and peace. You will go through and emerge again into the light.

Sharing so others can have an example that mental health challenges can happen to anyone at any time

I am a reluctant messenger - This blog should have started 2.5 years ago.

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I am a reluctant messenger - This blog should have started 2.5 years ago.

I am a reluctant messenger - This blog should have started 2.5 years ago.

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